4C

A new friend invited me to her family's branding last Saturday south of St. Francis. I told her I had never done anything like it before, but could take direction well. And that's all it took. I arrived at 8:30 and the work started within an hour.

So, here's how it all works: The calves are rounded up and moved into the corral in groups of about 20 at a time. The goal is to brand, inoculate, provide a growth hormone, and put a band around the testicles of the males.

Everyone in the corral has a job. It takes two people to secure a calf, and there were probably four teams of two working simultaneously. There were a couple folks doing the branding, one putting on the bands, two more administering the shots, and another two marking the calf with a red or green stripe depending on the shot.

The process starts when one person grabs the left hind leg of a calf and drags it into an open space, which was at a premium with all of the people and calves in the corral. Plus, the calves tended to congregate together in a corner. Safety in numbers, I guess. Anyway, the second person then reaches over from the right side, grabs the calf's left front leg and upper portion of its body, and pins the calf to the ground. For most of the afternoon, I was this second person.

Once the calf was on the ground, I got on my knees, placing my right knee and calf on the calf's neck. My left knee was just off to the side. Using both hands, I grabbed the leg closest to me, bent it at the joint, and pulled it back. This kept the calf off balance. When the calf would jerk around trying to get up (and they always did), I would lean back, pulling the leg with me. Meanwhile, the partner had one foot on one of the hind legs and the other on the calf's butt, all while holding onto the free leg. While waiting for the brand, shots, and band, the scene looked like this:

A textbook pinning! And guess who wasn't wearing sunscreen. Even my scalp turned red. Maybe I should have held off on that haircut for a week.

The brander would then come by and do his job. Not surprisingly, it generates a lot of gray smoke. I had to look away if I was directly downwind from the branding. That made it a bit tougher to keep the calf in place while receiving its brand. I'll add I had no problem lifting calves off the ground and pinning them on the neck; however, I don't think I could do the actual branding. That's probably where I draw the line in terms of inflicting pain.

The two shots were fairly easy. This part of the process is when the kids were able to get involved. At times, they were the ones applying the mark (red or green) signifying which shot had been given. Then, if it was a female, the two of us holding down the calf would gently release its legs and head simultaneous to avoid getting kicked. If it was a male, the band still had to be placed. I have to say it was amusing to hear shouts of, "We're got nuts over here!" when a team needed only the band before letting the calf go.

After releasing the calf, I'd follow my partner to where an unbranded calf was located and repeat the process until all of the calves were done. Things did get tricky at times. Some of the calves (the purple tags) had to be branded on the right side instead of the left. Well, that just completely threw off my rhythm! I had the task I liked and wanted to stick with it, mostly because I wanted to be as useful to the family as possible.

This was definitely messy business, but it was certainly bearable. There was one good-sized calf toward the end completely covered in shit. We took it on. I remember saying, "Don't think about it and just do it." I think I said it more to myself than to my partner. And boy, was it disgusting! I got some shit in my eye and the calf was an ornery devil. But we did our job well. High five afterward!

Right after that, I helped on my last calf of the day. It was also a tough one, but it was a nearby calf that kicked me square on the side of my right calf. It stung more than anything else. I'm surprised the bruise left behind isn't more evident.

And that was it. It had to be around 2:30, so I spent a solid five hours in the corral. We all headed over to a nearby house for dinner after cleaning up a bit. I joined the circle of beer-drinking fellows before eating, trying to fit in. They were nice enough, but I know when I'm the odd man out. Otherwise, I have to say I performed well, especially considering it was my first time. These folks grew up in ranching and this is their life. And after a few helpful pointers early on, I kept up with them. A number of people, including the family whose calves we branded, sent compliments my way. That felt good.

I came home and jumped in the shower. As the water ran down my face, the smell of singed cow hair, with just a pinch of cow shit and piss, completely enveloped me. Man, did I stink! Besides the bruise, the front of my right calf had red marks where it held down the calves, but they were gone the next day. I was a bit sore, but I still ran 10 miles on Sunday. I actually overdid it; I was feeling pretty gimpy on Monday. But cowboys don't complain.

I was blowing gray snot for about 24 hours afterward, presumably from inhaling the smoke. And I'm sporting a severe farmer's tan. So much for my plan to go shirtless this summer. The way things stand now, I'm going to have to don gloves up to my armpits and a bag over my head during my runs all summer in order for my entire torso to take on the same hue.

So, that's my latest adventure here on the rez. I would (and will) most definitely do it again. One aspect I enjoyed was the barn-raising element of the day. Family came home, neighbors arrived from nearby ranches, and random locals like me all pitched in to help out, and then celebrated together afterward. There was also the new appreciation and perspective gained regarding ranchers and their livelihood. Thanks for putting hamburger on my plate.

I did take my camera, but was so busy working (smile) I didn't have time to take any photos. So, a special thanks to New Friend for sharing those taken by her mom.

Here I am struggling to hold onto the calf while the brand is applied. The calf looks peaceful enough, but I can assure you I had to hold on with everything I had in me. Go triceps!

I still think calves are damn cute:

A busy day in tight quarters: