Upon sitting down, I was told, "Well, I have good news for you and I have bad news." Just what I wanted to hear! After changing my underwear, I was informed I was HIV-negative (of course); however, my vial of blood had been dropped, so they didn't have Hepatitis-B results for me.
"You mean, as in, dropped on the floor?"
"Yes. It's the first time that has ever happened."
"Huh. First time. Just like I was the first one to pass out on you."
"Uh huh. And since we only have the HIV results, we would have been better off just doing the oral swab instead of drawing blood."
But I rather enjoyed passing out and falling on the floor.
I wanted a printed copy of my results, just in case they're ever requested. "See? Negative! Now, where were we?" This required the completion of a form, which elicited, "Wait, this can't be right?" (Now what???) "How old are you?" (Phew.)
"I'm 31." She just couldn't believe it. Who could blame her, right? Right??? And she wasn't coming on to me either. She knows she's not my type; that was one of the screening questions last time.
With the results and a brown bag filled with condoms in hand, I was out the door and continued the drive to Brookings. All told, much less eventful compared to my birthday visit.
***
I'm now at the Super 8 in Brookings watching "classic" episodes of Roseanne. I've seen each of them at least 100 times. The half marathon is tomorrow morning at 7. The weather should be clear, breezy, and in the 30s. Brrr. But I'm stoked and ready to go. My belly's full of spaghetti and meatballs. And now it's time for bed.
2 comments:
You are the funniest story teller! I so enjoy reading about your adventures!
I would prefer not to have funny stories to tell after each trip to the clinic. But if I'm going to pass out, I might as well share the story with everyone!
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