Ho ho ho

I was not the worst Santa ever.

That's what one customer told me at PetSmart today. Apparently, the Santa at the PetSmart in Wisconsin wasn't very good.

The Santa outfit fit reasonably well. The belt was a joke, however. It was definitely made for someone larger than a size-32 waist. My two "elves" didn't like the look of a skinny Santa, so they stuffed a couple of pet beds up my shirt before we got started. Problem solved!

There was one lady who stood out from the rest this afternoon. Her dog's name was Bella, short for Isabella. (As opposed to the other dog named Bella, presumably after the chick from the Twilight series because of the age of her owner.) Bella's mommie was bat-shit crazy. Certifiable. As in, makes me weep for the future of the human race.

Bella was wearing her Christmas outfit, which, I'll admit, isn't so insane. She's had her photo taken with Santa since she was 4 months old. And she has even appeared on a magazine cover. Impressive! I should have said, "So have I!" I wouldn't have mentioned it was on the cover of Alaska Economic Trends, though, haha. Then again, I was Santa, not Brian. It's best I didn't say anything.

The crazy thing about this woman is that she came in for a reshoot. She had visited another PetSmart, but they took a portrait photo instead of one in landscape. Okay, we can fix that. But she took advantage of the situation, taking dozens of her own photos along with the ones taken by our photographers. She even brought her own dog-sized sled for Bella to sit in during the shoot.

And you should have heard her: "Bella, what's Santa going to bring you for Christmas? You just love Santa! Come on Bella, smile for me!" I had to put up with a half hour of this nonsense. The scary thing is that without her dog, she would appear to be completely sane. There wasn't anything wacky about her appearance. The crazies are blending in with the general population!

Besides her, the afternoon was surprisingly uneventful. I'd say at least half of the shots were multi-pet photos. And each time, I thought to myself, "Uhhh, how is this going to work?" The problem was that because of the pet beds up my shirt, I couldn't move around too much for fear of losing my gut. And those damn beds were HOT. I was sweating to death. But my mental mantra was, "It's for a good cause. It's for a good cause."

But it was fun! The photos turned out well. There were no allergic reactions. All of the customers seemed pleased. And, most importantly, my dampness was due to sweat and not cat piss. A good day.